Absolute Ridiculousness

Life is full of ridiculousness. Especially if you're a parent.

Case in point:

J. is out with friends a few nights ago. It's late and I'm hot and cranky. I want to go to bed since I have to work in the morning. I decide to put on my cotton nightgown. That way I can go right to bed when J. gets home.

Because even though he tells me to go to bed and he'll let me know when he gets home, I can't do it. Are all mothers like this? How do you go to sleep unless all your chicks are in the house for the night?

I finally see lights pull in the driveway and hear a car door slam shut.

Slam.

Slam, again.

Uh-oh. Two people are out of the car. Does that mean J. is bringing his friend in the house?

Ack. I'm in my pajamas!

Because of the way our living room is situated, I simply cannot stand up and walk out of the room. Whoever is out there is going to see me in my cotton nightgown.

What's a girl to do?

Stop, drop, and roll, er, crawl out of the room. I need to stay below the windows.

So I'm on my knees, crawling across the living room floor towards the bedroom. Only my gown is so long, I keep kneeling on it as I crawl. So I get stuck and can't move. I free myself, crawl forward two steps, and get stuck again.

I feel like a beetle stuck on its back.

I can hear footsteps on the porch and then the door opening. Hurry, crawl faster!

Aaaargh, get off of my nightgown, knee! Let me go! Crawl faster, faster, they're coming!

I'm just about out of the room and I hear J. come in and say, "Mom, what are you doing?" as I crawl out of sight. I stand up in the dark foyer and stay out of sight.

After a minute or so, I peek out and no one except J. and K. are in the kitchen. No friends, they all had to go home.

Whew. No one outside my own family saw me crawling around the floor in my nightgown.

I don't think anything can prepare you for parenthood. Babies are so sweet and soft, cuddly and cute. They stay where you put them, they don't talk back, and they love seeing you. It seems so easy when I look back on it. I can't believe I used to dread having to wake up for a midnight feeding.

Now, I'm crawling around my house at midnight, hiding from my teenager's friends.

So will you. Trust me.